One of the most common questions I get as a mom of triplets is “How do you do it?”. I am never really sure how to answer that. I always reply, “I just do…”. I think the reason I don’t quite know how to respond is because I do what every other mother out there does. I may have triplets, but I am no different from any other parent. When any parent is faced with a challenge, they just DO it. What other choice is there?
I have my struggles. Like every mom, I struggle with body image. I struggle with trying to maintain my identity after having kids. I struggle with the constant thought that I am not doing enough as a mother. Should I be reading to them more? Should I be brushing their teeth more? As a Dental Hygienist, I know that answer to that is yes. Should I have the TV on less? Are they getting the nutrition they need? The questions I have are endless… just like every mother.
This got me wondering. Why is it that every mother feels as though they are failing? As I write this, I am sitting in the Surgery Waiting Room while one of my boys is getting one of three surgeries he will need. Surgery is a word that nobody likes to hear, let alone when it involves your child. I would gladly go under the knife in his place every single time if I could, yet he has already been on that OR table many more times than I have in his 2 years with us so far. I would give anything for him. Isn’t that the definition of a good mom? Yet, it still doesn’t numb the feeling of inevitable failure.
As I am contemplating what exactly it means to be a good mom, I am looking around the room at the other parents that are also waiting for their little ones. They stare at the surgery board to check the status of their child’s procedure. For the last two hours, it still says “In Progress” next to the number they assigned to James. I see some parents that are sitting a little straighter than they probably normally do and are anxiously awaiting news.
There are other parents that look like they have been here way too many times to count and have settled into their waiting routine. I am probably one of those people. I have prepared my snacks, coffee, and a seat next to the outlet so I can keep my laptop up and running for the 3-4 hours that I will be in here waiting. The woman sitting next to me has lost her strength and is sobbing into her husband’s arms. The worry took her. I get it. I feel what she is feeling. I wish so badly that I could hug her but I am refraining because I know that will open my flood-gates as well. I have that same emotion bubbling right under the surface. I must be hiding it well. I bet everybody in here also feels what she is feeling. We are all struggling.
Like every parent sitting here, our struggles are all different. Doesn’t that make parenting generally hard for everyone? Is it truly easier for some parents and harder for others? Some parent’s have children with disabilities that require an enormous amount of patience and worry. Others are living paycheck to paycheck and are just trying to figure out how to keep the heat on this winter.
Sure, there are parents out there that don’t have financial worries and have perfectly healthy kids, but maybe having kids has put a major strain on their marriage. If we all struggle and worry, why do we all feel the need to be the perfect parent? An even bigger question: Why do we all feel the need to APPEAR perfect? Don’t look too closely at those perfect social media moms because I bet their worries and fears are not too far out of the frame. I bet there’s a pile of dirty dishes next to the perfectly staged meal prep station or homework that is still sitting unfinished on the kitchen table. I bet there’s a load of laundry that is currently being re-washed for the third time because it now stinks of mildew after sitting in the drum for too long.
Whatever the case, I can guarantee that all of these parents, social medial or otherwise, would give the world to their children if they could. They ignore their struggles, put on a smile, and love those kids like there’s no tomorrow…and just hope that it’s enough.
A group of people walked in and joined the sobbing mother about 10 minutes ago. I looked over and there is no sign on her face that she had just broken down. None. They are all playing a card game together and laughing. I know she is burying those tears in order to appear strong in front of her family. Well done, Mama.
We would all do the same thing. Every single one of us. In this waiting room, I am not a triplet mom. I am just like everybody else in here that is worrying about their child’s life. A life they created that is in somebody else’s hands at this very moment. We all share the same worries as moms. Are we enough? I bet we are.
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